I’m in this weird situation where I’m happy with the now. I don’t know why but I am. The photo above is how my room looked like before sleeping. It makes me happy. I’m comfortable, rested, and a bit stress-free. I don’t have any ambition now professionally or I’m already in this state where I can just take whatever comes my way. That I may be done chasing and going up the ladder.

My cousin, who’s a journalist in New York, emailed me that her friend’s friend works for National Geographic and is looking for a Philippines-based freelancer to contribute. I would have loved the chance to contribute there! NatGeo was the reason why I wanted to go into science/environmental journalism. However, given the work load that I have and I am moving up, I have to give it a pass and give the gig to a friend. And I was fine with that. Years ago I would have kicked myself for letting an opportunity like this pass. But maybe I’m already satisfied with life? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t have anything to prove anymore? Let’s just say, if that is meant for me, it will come my way again when I am less tied up. I have to balance things and my priority is my day job because it provides for my family. I cannot stretch myself too thinly and make a mess of my day job and the dream gig.

One day.

I’m still stabilizing myself. Recovering from a life-changing heartbreak is not easy. I have to take it easy and not be too greedy.

But I’m happy that I’m in this position now that I can choose and say no to a dream gig. That’s quite something. The power to choose.