My tire burst while I was driving along a provincial road. Good thing it was along a populated area dotted with vulcanizing shops. And they were still open even if it’s Christmas Eve.

Good thing also that it didn’t happen while I was driving at 90 kmph along the expressway! God knows what would have happened to me.

And when I reached my hometown, it was just pure luck that I chanced upon this small tire shop that was about to close for Christmas Eve. I bought two new 205s for the front and had the old front wheels transferred at the back. The lone old back wheel was demoted as a spare tire.

The last time I had a tire issue was last year when we went to Anilao in August. At that time I didn’t make it an issue that J left me to do all the work under the rain.

I was soaking wet.

Looking back I don’t know if he knows how to change tires or he just really didn’t care. I was hurt at that time but I didn’t want to dwell on it because I needed to function. I HAD NO MORE HEADSPACE for such things at that time.

Anyway, after my business with the tires today, I got home ate a very late lunch (at 3 pm) and slept. It was a tiring ordeal.

Obviously they don’t have a cat.

Speaking of J, I had a strange dream him about him this morning before I woke up at 9:30 am. We were in my bed in my room here in my mom’s house. When my mom opened my door, she asked me in a plain curious way why J is still here. I couldn’t explain. I was searching for good excuses but I couldn’t come up with any.

When I woke up, I ruminated over it. It was probably my subconsciousness asking my rational self why is J still dwelling in me. And I couldn’t come up with any explanation other than the obvious. Then I calmly told my rational self that I will get over him in due time. I’m still fixing myself. This time last year I was a zombie who couldn’t sleep. Nowadays I sleep too much and I’m feeling so much better than 12 months ago. I was playing music tonight and sang for almost 3 hours. (Although my younger sister said I have so much pent up emotions to be able to sing for 3 hrs straight).

Am I still angry? I don’t know. I can’t hold on to anger and I don’t know who should I be angry at. Him? I have already accepted that he’s not a nice person. Am I angry with myself for ignoring that fact and that I have many flaws that’s why he was like that to me? I shouldn’t be hard on myself. It’s not my fault. ⬅️ I’m still coming to terms with this.

However, I do hope he’s having a nice Christmas, wherever he is.