I thought I would be having a more relaxed day today so I savored the morning sunlight while in bed. I thought I would take it easy.

Then my cat vomited again. This is the third time it happened. The two times it happened last week were in the mornings and every time Kimchi vomited, she went back to her food bowl and ate again her kibbles like nothing happened. So I thought it was just a case of hairball. But when the girls told me this morning Kimchi vomited twice, I decided this is no longer a hairball case.

Long story short, I spent like 2 hours in the vet clinic. It turns out she has an infection after her CBC came back. I came out of the clinic with a shopping bag full of meds and supplements. I was PHP 4,500 poorer with a very grumpy cat because she was poked three times (CBC, antibiotic, and antacid).

Another cause of stress is this: While I was at the vet clinic, a colleague under my watch messaged me he is resigning. Then I called him. That was a bummer because he is productive and resourceful and I was the one who brought him into the company. The biggest push why he is leaving is because of mismanagement–which I had been struggling with for several months now, too. Actually the issue has been festering for a long time now but I just grinned and borne it for years. That issue has been causing me so much stress and probably that’s another reason why I no longer have the motivation to write. I had already warned our APAC head about this months prior and told her people are really unhappy and I’m doing my damned best to keep the team intact while I battle some kind of power struggle because as I step up to help my teammates, I get hammered from above. I am already at the edge and there is little that’s holding me in place now unless they do something to improve the situation.

So I told my junior co-worker that if he talks to the APAC head tomorrow, “please do us a favor; you should tell her everything that is wrong and that I would soon be following you if things don’t turn around.” I’m just holding on because I like the flexibility that I have right now as I can work at my own pace and I can work from anywhere. However, they have let this really bad situation go on and on and on and on for a long time now and I was the one holding up the ceiling. I’m tired. And if I leave, everyone will leave as well as I was the only one keeping the team from falling apart.

The issue has been causing me so much stress and I was just sweeping this under the rug for months because I can handle only one issue at a time. I had to recover first from my heartache then I would tackle the work problem, I thought. However the two had been overlapping, causing me so much anxiety and stress. My back and neck muscles are stiff as hell and I’ve had trouble sleeping for several nights now because of my stiff neck. I booked a massage tonight and that somehow that eased the physical pain.

The mental strain though is still here.