I’m back to sewing masks. I think we will soon run out of Greek letters to distinguish each SARS-COV-2 variant that keeps popping up every month. We now have Lambda, which was first detected in Peru and has now infiltrated 30 countries. So the future masks that I will finish would have a long time of service, unfortunately.

Today was a bit terrible. That interview I did at 5 pm got me triggered. The interviewee was nice and all, nothing was wrong with him and I got everything I needed for a story but at the same time he was all wrong. Very wrong.

He was same age as J, from J’s country of birth (when I thought my interviewee was from somewhere else), migrated to the same country where J migrated at a young age too. Same state and same city. He was relating his history because I asked why he built up his company in this particular segment. Then he told the same backstory of being compared to the neighbor academically, strict upbringing, going to xxx university for pre-med but dropped to go into military. Had a younger brother who went into law school but ended up in MIT. The two of them formed a company in Asia, sold it to a PE and the proceeds allowed them to run a family office investing in two sectors and then they also founded another start-up and now doing a capital growth fundraise. That’s how I ended up interviewing him.

He was so talkative that in 1.5 hrs he already related his political views and the racism he experienced growing up in the same city as J. He said stones were thrown at him when he was a kid and was often told to go home to China. He said, “I shot back and said I am not Chinese, I am xxx and I live in this country.” He said the same thing as J said, that Asians are invisible and are at the bottom rung when it comes to large ethnic groups.

Just as I was getting successful in forgetting and moving on, I suddenly slipped and fell and was back to square one. This interview triggered the memories of J telling me all those stories. Of memories of J.

Stop it. He has forgotten about you. He doesn’t like you. He lied to you about many things. He took you for an idiot. He’s a terrible person. Don’t go back into that dark pit again. Just stop.

So now I’m back to sewing while watching/listening to Youtube to take my mind off everything. I wish I can hold the fort and not crumble.

I hate being like this. How do I end this?