I went to Wilcon Home Depot after work to buy tiles, tile adhesive, and grout. I am finally biting the bullet and I’m going to have the bathroom floor re-tiled.

Why did it take me this long (almost 3 years)? Because having the bathroom re-tiled means four days of unusable bathroom (for showering) and that would piss off J so much and I would not hear the end of his complaints. Now that he’s no longer here, I can finally do this. I can devote more time to supervising the work since I have more free time now. When we were still together, 70% of my time was devoted to J, attending to his needs, especially when he was still in AirBnBs: driving back and forth, eating out, running errands for him/with him, doing chores, and keeping him company until dawn. When I’m not yet in his condo, he would be asking, “When/what time are you coming over?”

When he was here in the apartment, I had to make sure the disturbance to him was minimal. Any home repairs or improvement must be worked around his schedule.

That’s why when he suggested to have a sink and have another exhaust fan installed in the bathroom, I couldn’t commit because that also entails tile change. I needed to figure out the logistics and was determining whether my EQ can take the complaints that will surely come my way because he would not be able to shower in the bathroom for four days or do number 1 and 2 uncomfortably. The noise–the hammering to chip away the tiles–would also drive him mad. I was running the numbers in my head if I can afford to make him stay in a hotel while the bathroom is being fixed.

But then there were more immediate things that needed my attention like fixing the car. Then I had to drive him to where he wanted to go whenever he was having cabin fever. Before Covid, I also needed to be in the field for work while I ferry him to his meetings. Then every weekend we always had to do something or go somewhere.

I never came around to tackling the bathroom.

So now as part of my loving myself program, I’m going to indulge in a better bathroom, even if this apartment is not mine/I don’t have equity in it. If I can only fit a Japanese soaking tub in there, I would. I don’t like the tub in my mom’s house, the western style tub that wastes too much water. The hotels or ryokan I pick for my travels in Japan had to be 1) within walking distance of a train station or 2) have an in-house onsen or a deep soaking tub.

So once I start building my cottage, I’m definitely going to install a very good water heater and a Japanese soaking tub.

This blog entry looks like it’s just a story about a bathroom. But it’s more of an example of how I accommodated J in my life. That he was a huge chunk of my life for 2.5 years.