My blog entry yesterday reminded me of why I still liked Neil Patrick Harris. He is hilarious as Barney in How I Met Your Mother and his Tony Awards performances are lovely to watch. This clip of NPH’s performance during the 2013 Tony Awards made me miss theater so much.

I came across a video of Philip Quast (Javert in Les Miserables) explaining his process of singing Javert’s suicide; it’s not so much about the technique of singing, but it’s about the motivations behind the words he was singing. He said he likes acting not because of the live audience but because he likes the rehearsals more, the process of building something, uncovering a character, understanding the motivations and interactions. He doesn’t believe in playing characters but rather the roles are not characters because they are you, they are a part of you. I completely understood what he was trying to explain.

Apart from writing, music and theater were my passions growing up. In elementary, I joined singing contests and whatever contest that involved the stage (soliloquies, poetry out loud, etc). In high school, I was a member of the Speech and Dramatics Club and joined whatever stage plays our school had. I did that until college. I was supposed to be part of the ensemble of my theater group that performed at the Cultural Center of the Philippines (I think it was for two weeks) during a national theater festival but I had to back out because I was doing my undergrad thesis. I also auditioned for the local production of the musical Lean, just for lark, to see if I could make it. And I did; I was shortlisted to go through the second round. I didn’t pursue it because I was finishing my thesis (yeah, thesis does suspend your life) and I wasn’t really keen on the local production itself (not the material, the libretto is great). Good thing I didn’t go for it because the production turned out to be a mess.

What I miss about theater, as Philip Quast said, were the rehearsals–the build up. I was terrified of being in front of audiences actually. I have a terrible stage fright. For me theater is 70% about the rehearsals. Whenever we have closed the curtains for good, I would feel a pang and it would hit me that there would no longer be rehearsals to go to after classes.

There was a time when I was running around so much because I had theater, I played football, and I had an active social life. I had to give up football when I couldn’t fit everything as school demanded more of my time.

Fast-forward, when I was already working in Manila, I would try to watch musicals and straight plays if 1) I had the time and 2) I can afford it. That became less frequent when I had the girls.

Sometimes I dream about being in theater again, being in some production.

I dream about so many things that I miss…