My insides are like the roiling seas during a violent storm. I needed to calm it before I explode.

To do that, I needed to revisit what I used to do to reach a zen-like state. So I returned to cooking.

I had abandoned it temporarily because cooking had hurt. I used to do that a lot for him, testing new recipes, learning dishes from his native country. I quit all that. Because I believed that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and love can be felt in the food that has been cooked with it. I used to accompany him while he ate, because that’s how you serve food with love, especially after a long hard day at work. Talk about how the day went, talk about politics, about ideas, about the future.

I cooked oyakudon again yesterday as I suddenly craved for something Japanese. Doing so gave me some kind of peace and purpose at the same time. To nourish my body and soul and that of my children.

To inspire me with beauty and stillness of home cooking and homemaking, I had been watching Girl in Calico and The Cottage Fairy on Youtube daily.

There is beauty somewhere even in the darkest night.