This was what a friend told me: you’ll eventually get tired of this. Just embrace it, don’t run away from it. Feel it. Grief is something you have to face head on. Cry all you want. Feel all you want. One day you’ll just get exhausted by it then you’ll just find yourself ready to walk away from it.

But right now, it’s ok to be angry. You have every right, she said. Do not deny yourself that right to be angry. Don’t give yourself a deadline; be kind to yourself. If you feel you did wrong, forgive yourself. If you feel like it’s your fault that you loved too much, forgive yourself.

As Neil Gaiman said, we don’t get over a broken heart. We just get better at living with the pain, with the wound that eventually becomes a scar. But it’s there. We just master the pain.

I don’t want this anymore. I want to be normal again.

But what is normal?

No, I take that back. Normal me is being gullible and vulnerable. What I should aspire for is being tough and emotionless.

So ok, I want to be tired soon. I want my sleep back. I want this to be over. I want to be very far away.

In my silence I would love to forget
But restitution hasn’t come quite yet
And with one accord I keep pushing forth
I stretch my heart to heal some more

It used to be all I want to learn
Was wisdom, trust, and truth
By now all I really want to learn
Is forgiveness for you

As my seasons change I’ve now grown to know
When one’s heart creates one’s soul doesn’t owe
So I wash away stains of yesterday
Then tempt my heart with love’s display

It used to be all I want to learn
Was wisdom, trust, and truth
By now all I really want to learn
Is forgiveness for you

It used to be all I want to learn
Was wisdom, trust, and truth
By now all I really want to learn
Is forgiveness for you